Chelsea Handler’s 8 Hilarious (and Not-to-be-Trusted) Travel Tips

“You shouldn’t eat gummy bears when a plane is landing. You can chip your tooth on one. It’s possible. I’ve done it.”

That’s just a sneak peek at the travel tips Chelsea Handler shared with us when we caught up over the phone last week. The hilarious talk show host, comedian and author is constantly on the road for work, so all of her frequent flier miles are paying off as she picks up handy — and often overlooked — travel tips.

As Chelsea embarks on a three-month tour to celebrate her fifth book, “Uganda Be Kidding Me,” she schools us on travel etiquette and advice…reminding us that packing a little patience and humor goes a long way.

Read on below for her tips, and pick up the cheeky collection of travel essays at Target for an exclusive letter for Target guests. Hey, with Chelsea, you never know what you’re gonna get. Bon voyage!

1. Always carry your essentials.
“I always take a compass, Aquaphor lip balm and Vitamin C because it helps improve my vision. Someone once told me to take 3,000 mg of Vitamin C a day for better eyesight, so I do. I have perfect vision. I also had Lasik so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it.”

2. Pack smart.
“I would be lying if I said I pack myself because I just travel too much. My assistant, however, is a really savvy packer. She always makes sure I have an extra pair of undies in my carry on.”

3Come prepared.
“A good flight always involves an eye mask and a sleeping pill.”

4. Think before you speak to seat mates.
“Kobe beef is not named after Kobe Bryant, so you shouldn’t make this mistake in public.”

5. …Or avoid chitchat altogether.
“People constantly tell me that they look like me…when they don’t look anything like me. It happens mostly with women 50 or older. They always say, ‘OMG! I look just like you.’ That person usually has, like, one tooth. I just say, ‘That’s great, we’re like twins!’”

6. If you do have to talk, make it worth their while.
“One time I was on a redeye flight with my sister, and this woman was laughing so loudly that I couldn’t sleep. I told my sister she had to tell this person to pipe down. My sister came back a few minutes later and says, ‘Well, it’s your fault—she’s reading your book!’ I went back and she was reading my first book, “My Horizontal Life.” I told the woman I’d sign the book if she promised to be quiet. I think the woman passed out from excitement – I slept great.”

7. Make yourself at home.
“I usually borrow a pillow from hotels for the next plane ride. I bring a pillow wherever I go, but then I leave it the next place. So usually I’ll return a pillow back to the hotel at some point…even if it’s a couple of years later.”

8. When you arrive to your destination, make sure you have fun!
“As long as you’re on vacation, you can start drinking any time of day.”

If you’re in L.A., come meet Chelsea at her book signing at the Westwood Target store (10861 Weyburn Ave) on March 10 from 7:30 – 10 p.m. PT.

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